The Worm Book has sat atop the Vermicomposting Betseller List for 13 years

The flight of serious book reviewers from newspapers to blogs has left such a vacuum in the reviewing establishment that the hallowed Sunday New York Times Book Review has decided to drop reviews altogether in order to concentrate on an all bestseller-list format. The publication will also trim the Review‘s dimensions to 5″ by 3″ as a cost-saving measure. The changes will be instituted in next Sunday’s issue.

Though the announcement caught many observers by surprise, knowledgeable Times-watchers had recently noted that the number of reviews appearing in the publication had dwindled to a handful, and most of those were devoted to vampire novels, diet and makeover advice, and self-serving autobiographies by former members of the Bush administration. “These books are review-proof anyway, so why bother any more?” said a high-ranking Times Corporation executive speaking anonymously. “It’s time to drop the pretense that there’s anything of value to review.”

The space liberated by elimination of reviews enables the paper to focus on niche and even micro bestseller lists. For instance, books about worm composting, a subject of perennial interest to gardeners, will now have their own bestseller list, as will zombie historical romances in the voice of Charlotte Bronte. There will be a list dedicated to as-told-to dog memoirs and another called “Books with S**t, F**k and A**hole in the Titles.”

The online edition of the NYTBR will have some interactive features. Subscribers will be able to mix and match bestseller lists (e.g. books about worm composting with F**k in the title). There will be a Bestseller List Trifecta (pick 3 pays 45-1), and a Four-List Combo (choice of Russian, French, Blue Cheese or Thousand Island).

Richard Curtis

Battered by years of declining sales, hammered by Amazon, gutted by upstart e-book rivals and faced with 80% rent raises in their prime midtown Manhattan locations, two Big Six trade publishers, Simon & Schuster and HarperCollins, announced they will be packing up and moving their offices sometime in 2013 to Long Island City in the borough of Queens, where they will share an apartment.

Executives of the publishers served notice on their landlords for the move. “Borders,” was one editor’s terse response to a reporter’s question about what what was the tipping point for the decision.  The allusion was not to the bankruptcy of the Borders book chain, the second largest behind Barnes & Noble that threw in the towel last February, but rather to the borders between Manhattan and Queens.

Having shed all but essential employees, the two companies will fit comfortably into a studio apartment on 45th Road just off Vernon Boulevard.  “With electronic document storage we don’t need file cabinets or bookshelves,” a Harper editor pointed out. “You can’t beat the rent. Our Manhattan rivals will be green with envy.”

As for the location, which seems remote to a publishing community accustomed to midtown Manhattan addresses, an S&S spokesperson was reassuring: “We’re a short walk from the number 7 subway station, MoMa-PS1 Museum is just around the corner, and on nice days we can meet with agents in the John F. Murray Playground across the street or hit the Serbian and Paraguayan food carts under the elevated subway. As long as you leave before nightfall you’re perfectly safe.”

Richard Curtis

April 1 2011

After a decade of flat income from printed books and hemorrhagic siphoning of e-book revenues  by pirates, Random House got the green light from parent organization Bertelsmann to alter its corporate charter and become a nonprofit organization. Though the company tried to put a good face on it, the move is a tacit admission that the book business is unprofitable.

To implement the changeover and compete with filesharing pirates, the firm will slash list prices to $0.00. The logic behind the strategy was laid out by a Random spokeswoman: “It’s good will. We believe that customers seeking free books will prefer to patronize a branded company like Random House rather than some no-name buccaneer.”

The company cafeteria will be converted to a soup kitchen for indigent authors, according to one employee who spoke anonymously.

Random’s move was acclaimed by the literary agent community, which itself went non-profit several years ago. “Most of our members now do volunteer work, like reading to children at libraries,” said a member of the Association of Authors’ Representatives. “It’s so much more satisfying than dealing with authors.”